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Holy Shit It's Been A Year. - Hard Times

About Holy Shit It's Been A Year.

Previous Entry Holy Shit It's Been A Year. Jul. 19th, 2012 @ 12:16 am
I just realized that I haven't written in here for almost exactly one year.
And what a year it has been,
If I remember correctly ( and I probably don't) July-February was pretty average. Nothing life changing either negatively or positively .My best friend Dan got married, and my other best friend Jason and his wife Karen had a daughter.
February, Lindsey and I took a weekend trip to Chicago and had just an absolutely amazing time aside from the one day where I got a horrible migraine and ended up vomiting in the Gilt Bar bathroom. It was the first time I ever threw up so hard that my nose started to bleed. Otherwise, a fantastic trip.
March brought our 6 year dating anniversary. We didn't really do anything to celebrate but I still think it should be mentioned.
April was one of the hardest months of my entire life. On April first I received a Facebook message from my childhood best friend's sister asking me to please call her when ever I got the message. Once I read that my heart immediately sank because I knew it couldn't be anything good. I called her right after midnight and she told me that Zach had died. ( Zach was my childhood best friend that was at one time addicted to heroin.) I felt sick. She went on to tell me that he had killed himself and that is when I started sobbing, She gave me the details of the funeral and told me it was going to be private but she wanted me to know because we were so close growing up. (Zach and I were best friends and our younger brothers have been best friends since they were 5 so for over two decades now.) Once I got off the phone all I could say to Lindsey was "Zach's dead" before are became unconsolable on her shoulder. I then called my parents and told them what had happened and I called my brother and told him go to over and console Nick. Nick had called Kevin early in the day but Nick didn't say what was wrong so Kevin didn't do anything. It's times like these that I really hate the fact that he's slightly mentally handicapped. He doesn't handle situations like this well. I took off work for that Tuesday and went up to North Ridgeville for the funeral. Even now 3 months later I still think about how he looked in the casket and it haunts me. I did pretty well through the viewing and the little service afterward until it was time to put a flower in the casket that it when I started to tear up, knowing I would never see him again.
While we were back home for Zach's funeral my father called me to tell me that my grandmother was in the ER and if I wanted to see her one last time I should get that as fast as I could. Lindsey and I took off for the hospital and by the time I got there I guess he condition had stabilized somewhat but she was still on oxygen. I held her hand told her she looked good, she said I looked sharp, and my mother or father mentioned that Lindsey was sitting out in the ER waiting and my grandmother told me to go be with Lindsey. I told her I loved her and I would see her soon.
That was the last time I saw my grandmother. She died later that day at the hospital after all of the family had gone home.

I then made a second trip back home for her funeral the next week. Two funerals in two weeks is tiring to say the least.

Since their deaths I've been preoccupied with the realization that one day I will wake up for the last time and I probably won't know it's the last time and there will be a last everything. Last sandwich. Last vacation. Last work day. Last time having sex. All of this scares the hell out of me,.

The rest of April and May were mostly a haze.

Last month my old roommate from college Shehzad married his long time girlfriend Ambereen. Dan, Brett, and I all took part in the traditional Pakistani Muslim ceremony. I have never felt more like a fish out of water than I did there. I was one of maybe 5 non muslims there ( and knew 3 of the others). I was one of the most fun weddings I have ever been a part of, It was 3 ceremonies over 4 days so by day 4 I was completely exhausted and stuffed.

Lindsey and I leave for California in a week from today. Actually right about an hour from now will be exactly one week till we land at LAX. After spending time in LA we are driving up the PCH to Carmel spending a night there and then driving to San Francisco to spend a few days there. It should be a good time but I hate flying even though I have been doing it my entire life and it shouldn't be a big deal to me anymore. Once I get to the airport I am fine but its the run up to the trip that really freaks me out.

I commend you if you made it this far.
Current Location: Columbus Ohio
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